Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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