you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
