I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
