You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
