You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
