you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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