A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
