Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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