I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
