just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
