She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
