Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
