I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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