my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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