There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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