is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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