I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
