"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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