a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
