there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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