Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
