Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
