Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
