I hate your face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
