I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
