you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
