Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My feet surprised me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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