Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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