OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He passed out mid-signature
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
