just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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