Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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