dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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