my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is Oprah even human
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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