I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
