worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
