Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
