I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
