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the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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