I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
