Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
