She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you win again, gameday.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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