I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
