loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
