His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
