Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
