careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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