the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
