Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
