I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize