She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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