Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
