Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
