Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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