Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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