Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
