just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize