What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fuck appropriateness.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
