you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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