rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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