god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
