My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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