You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
