Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
