Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
