Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
