Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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