dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
