my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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