If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
