i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
