some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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