I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
