We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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