I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
